AWKward

Do you ever just feel socially awkward? Like you don't fit in but yet blend in with the rest of the crowd? Like you are still kind of looking for an identity?
Ya know... sometimes I do but whats so crazy is that I have one. I'm just always looking for ways to improve myself and its all through things so petty. Like for example... my hair. I was sitting on the computer last night profile hopping on Ravelry.com and I saw so many cute hair styles and I realized just how bored I am with my hair. I have blonde roots that gradually fade to red because of hair dye that I have had done a while back that has faded. Many people think it looks cool... I think its annoying and would just like to go back to blond but have to wait for it to grow out. and its long which makes it hard to do much with. hardly any volume and my bangs are annoying. SO needless to say I want to go to the hair dresser. But that is just such a minor thing. Hair isn't going to identify me. But I pick up hobbies like knitting and I enjoy doing that. :) But I sit back and ponder about what things I use to do... like paint and make jewelry. But becoming a mother has kind of robbed me of those time consuming things and has robbed me of the energy to do it. Knitting I feel like I can just pick up and put down and carry with me where ever. Those other things... not so much but I enjoyed doing them. But my favorite color keeps changing. I don't have ONE favorite movie. I don't collect anything (well... yarn but that comes with the knitting territory). Why am I so unsatisfied with such stupid things? Hair, hobbies, colors, movies. Its not like I'm not my own person with my own special things. Instead of embracing these things I see them as bad and they really aren't. I think its just human to always want to be "better" in our own minds. In society we want to stand out and I don't feel like I do all that much. But ya know... I am really blessed with the life that I have and I just need to remind myself of that before I start complaining about who I think I should be and just being excited for who I am :) I have great qualities and have a tendency to show my own uniqueness... I just can't see it from an outsiders perspective and sometimes it drives me nuts.
God bless me and he will continue to do so. He is a good God that will continue his good work in me. I pray that I continue to see my value, worth, and identity in him and not of this world and realize that I really am unique in my own way. Maybe someone wishes they were me as I wish to be others at times.